All I had to do was switch the plugs and all of a sudden, it turns on. It's like a Zombie or something. So, with this startling revelation, a question arises: Should I kill it?
Sure it's fully functioning, just like it was before the lightning storm except now it goes by the name Ubuntu PC McZombieface, or some variation of that. I've read the Zombie Survival Guide, as well as World War Z and the Ninja Handbook for good measure, so I think that whether I decide to keep using it, or destroy it, I'll be prepared to go either way, so... yeah.
Now I'm kind of upset, I can't replace it anymore.